Fact (mostly). Although most of this piece is a fictionalized dialog, it is very close to an actual customer service phone call over a real delivery. Just about all statements were fact checked, but no guarantees. As always, confirm information before repeating it.

“I’d like change the delivery on my package.”

“Can I have the tracking number?”

“Surely.” Loose phrasing like this normally engenders a cynical retort. At coffee shops and restaurants, I usually answer a similar question, ‘Can I have your name?’ with ‘Yes, I’m sure it is readily available name.’ or ‘Why? Don’t you like your own?’ In this case I simply read off, “1gzh …”

“Oh, I see. There’s a failed delivery. You got a notice.”

“Yes.”

“A signature is required.”

“So the notice says. We should do something about that.”

“I’d like to help, but the shipper …”

“ … Motorola.”

“Yes, they put restrictions on high value deliveries …”

“It’s two hundred dollars.”

“As I said, high value deliveries.”

“How much do you make an hour?”

“Sir?”

“Let’s say fifty dollars.”

“I don’t make that much.”

“Include benefits.”

“Sir…”

“Now let’s assume the delivery driver makes the same amount. He has to find my package in his van, get out of the vehicle careful not to get hit by a passing car, go to the locked front gate, enter a code, go up the stairs because waiting for an elevator would take too much time, walk down two halls to my apartment, knock on the door, and wait … how long are our drivers required to wait?”

“It depends.”

“Right, 10 seconds. Then he prints out the failed delivery notice, slaps it on my door, returns down the halls, down the stairs to his van and stows the package. Including the cost to send it out for delivery the next day, like the notice says, the failed delivery costs UPS, I don’t know, four bucks.”

“I really can’t say. I’m a customer service rep, not an accountant.”

“And after three failed deliveries, you ship my phone back to Motorola.”

“That is right sir.”

“Well, since you can’t change the delivery, and you keep on trying to deliver to my private residence during business hours, you might as well just ship it back.”

“Do you want to cancel the delivery?”

I had to think about this. Obviously, I was in righteous indignation mode. This was a ridiculous, avoidable situation. Someone was at fault; someone should pay, and it shouldn’t be me. Motorola should realize that shipping their phones to real people should not require a signature unless the customer goes out of their way to request it. I did not.

The last time this happened, I ordered my phone (this time the phone was for my wife). I was at home when the UPS guy attempted to deliver the package. I was (still am) disabled and it took a couple of minutes to reach the door. By the time, I opened the door, the driver/deliverer was gone, but the notice was on my door. Like this time, I went online and accessed my delivery (I thought/think that picking it up at an UPS location would be better). Like this time, the online system would not allow me to change delivery instructions. I called customer service. I explained that I am disabled and the driver did not allow me enough time to answer the door. Since drivers are on a tight schedule, they have little interest in waiting around. I requested an ADA reasonable accommodation: the driver should just leave the package: denied. I asked that the driver wait five minutes: denied. I got very upset. I couldn’t fathom why UPS would not make accommodations for disabled people. I offered to send them a pdf of my parking placard and DMV issued letter confirming the disability: nope. They said they’d try again tomorrow, or if I wait, they could retry today. I had a doctor’s appointment in an hour which is about how long it takes by bus. I explained this. In the end, they had another driver rendezvous with the driver with my package, the second driver was going to be in neighborhood anyways. My wife signed for the phone.

The customer service rep stated they cannot change the delivery. Their obligation was to follow the sender’s (the ones who paid for the delivery service) instructions and the only way I could change that was to convince them to contact UPS with the tracking number and send the proper documentation for a change of delivery. Yeah, right. Outside of business hours. Fat chance.

Why would Motorola require signatures for home deliveries. Do they hate working people that much? Are their customer service people that lonely and isolated that they really need irate customers demanding delivery instruction changes? Maybe they like canceling sales. All unlikely. It’s more likely that they choose this option because there is little to none extra cost. They feel like it is a good deal.

Given that a failed delivery costs UPS four bucks each attempt and that they allow three failures per delivery before shipping packages back to senders, UPS could easily loose at least eight dollars on home deliveries requiring signatures. They should factor this potential loss and up the price. The people at Motorola, who seem to like a good deal more than keeping good relations with their customers. Maybe, If I just let the package delivery fail three times, I could teach both of these corporate giants a lesson. Okay, eight dollars probably wont sway them, but it could be part of lesson. I’m sure I’m not the only one who goes through this.

Actually, the success of Amazon delivery should have been the wake-up call UPS needed to heed. UPS is ranked third or fourth in home deliveries. Before the .com boom, they were tops (not researched but it sure felt that way). Amazon is number one. I, almost never, have a problem with Amazon deliveries, and when I do, usually the item does not arrive, Amazon deals with the situation effectively, on-line, no frustrating calls to customer service.

Ultimately, the fault is mine. I’ve been through this before. When I get emails from Motorola touting their latest sale, I should calm down and not purchase from them.

I used to be a cyclist. There is the “three bike shop” theory. Bike shops make money two ways: sales and repairs. In order to make sales, they inform customers about the right features the buyer should want for the type of cycling they want to do, they help choose the right size frame and offer test rides. So in the “three bike shop” theory, there’s the bike shop where you find the bike you want to ride, the bike shop where you purchase the bike (for me used bikes on eBay proved a good choice) and the bike shop where you take your bike for repairs. The biggest slice of the pie is the repair shop. Next comes the bike shop where you purchased the bike (once informed, cyclist shop for price and reduce profit margins) and the bike shop that informed you gets screwed (they spend labor hours for no return).

The Motorola web site is very informative. I like their side by side comparisons. But the same phones are available on Amazon at just about same price even when Motorola has a sale (and it seems like Motorola always has their phones on sale). I knew this. I should have researched the phones and then switched over to Amazon. Amazon knows how to deliver goods.

“You know what?” I decided. “Let’s just let things run their course. Go ahead and try to deliver the package tomorrow, may try again the day after.”

“Okay, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Nah.”

Unlike the last time when UPS required a live signature, the form had an area on the back for a signature. I signed it and stuck the form back on my door. The next day, my wife returned home before I did. The package was waiting at our door, so my rant is a little overblown. UPS charges $4.25 for requiring signatures, so they broke even. They bank on people wanting their purchases more than they want a trouble-free delivery. Motorola could save four bucks, but, right now, cell phones are more of a feature desirability market than a price conscious decision. Working people have to suffer delays and frustration getting their purchases when companies require signatures for business-hours home deliveries.

For my part, Amazon had the exact same phone at the exact same price. I promise to learn my lesson and simply buy from them next time I want a new phone.

Addendum:

I ordered a new guitar and case (a little under $1000 total) from Guitar Center on Tuesday. On Thursday, UPS sent an email telling me my packages would arrive on Friday between 1:45 and 5:45 PM. I made arrangements to be there. I really want to try out my new guitar. On Friday, I posted this entry, and UPS sent another email changing the delivery time to 4:30 to 6:30 PM. It was too late to cancel my vacation day.

I heard a knock on the door at 7:15 PM. I rushed to the door hoping not to miss out on my new guitar. The UPS delivery driver was not there, but two large packages bore testimony that he came and left. Unlike Motorola, Guitar Center knows that their customers actually want the stuff they purchase. No signature required.

UPS should really do better than breaking even on home deliveries to private residences during business hours (when the residents are likely at work or otherwise out). The should charge at least $20. Make it painful for companies like Motorola to insist on signatures.